I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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