I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
