it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
