my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
