Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
