I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
