I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
