the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
