I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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