it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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