Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
