I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You ruined the universe
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
