I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Your tits are I can't wait for
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
