When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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