11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
