Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
