i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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