I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
