He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just want nice things and good sex
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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