pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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