So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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