Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
