3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
