I heard we made out
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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