So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I will be naked everywhere
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
