and she was petting her beer can
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
