my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
