wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
