I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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