She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
