i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
