Fine. I'll sleep in my office
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
