I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
