I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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