I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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