i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
