my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
