apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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