New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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