please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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