I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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