never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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