the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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