Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
