the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
