u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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