i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
