You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
