We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize