So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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