worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
