I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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