he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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