It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
