you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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