She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
