chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
